apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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