We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
