so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
