Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
