two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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