don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
