we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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