it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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