yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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