Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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