I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
