glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
