Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
