I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
