I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
