I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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