I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
