My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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