I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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