omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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