I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
