Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
