Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
