Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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