I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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