I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
as a side note pls kill me
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize