never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
