I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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