I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
