We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
