The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
