my soul wont recognize me after tonight
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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