I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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