that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
