Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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