dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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