I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
