someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
