Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
