And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
