i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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