Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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