I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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