Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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