when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
