We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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