I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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