remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
