bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we're making bets on your personal life
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
