I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
