So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
