What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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