Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm too high and old for this...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
