Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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