Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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