Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
