He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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