forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
