At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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