Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
