Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
