I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize