Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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