awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Drunk is not a location!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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