Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
