don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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