did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
