is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
