Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize