I'm so fucking centered right now
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
